Blogs

If you name your state "New Mexico," you are just asking for old Mexicans to move in. I don't know why it has taken Mexico so long to just gather a hundred thousand or so citizens and walk across the border. What could the border guard really do? And it would solve so many problems. Arizona and California could forget about their immigration problems. It would free up that star on the flag so Puerto Rico could finally become a state. Maybe Mexico just has a lack of poster board and markers.

Happy birthday to The Who! Who said ginger's can't be pirates!? Well, lots of people. But don't tell him that, it's his birthday. Maybe we'll tell him tomorrow!

It's winter! So instead of sitting on the couch under a blanket, hit the slopes on your big wheel!

Daredevil recently revealed that he knew all along that Kim Kardashian's marriage would not last, but did nothing to prevent the doomed nuptials. Sources claim Daredevil's contempt for the Kardashians runs deep.

1. Selflessness – The #1 attribute of a great WingMan is remembering, it’s not about you. Don’t be selfish. Don’t try and steal your boy’s shine. You signed up for this. Don’t walk the walk, if you can’t talk to the unattractive friend.
2. Charm – Charm the Hello Kitty panties right off these women. Don’t worry. This can be done, even if you’re not the most attractive person on the short bus. A good sense of humor works 100% 60% of the time. Make them love you.

A week after losing to the Patriots, sources have confirmed Tim Tebow and God are no longer a couple. Apparently Tom Brady had more to offer the big man upstairs, as Gisele Bundchen was seen slipping Candice Swanepoel's number to him in the owner's box before the game. Apparently a wife with Victoria's Secret model friends trumps prayer when it comes to football. Tebow was seen entering church early this morning in an attempt at reconciliation, but God was rumored to be in St. Barths with Swanepoel at the time.

Naturally you would assume casting Gina Carano, MMA fighter and former American Gladiator, as the lead in your movie, it would be a fairly fast paced action movie with a lot of action. Sadly, after the first fifteen minutes you will be wishing you had gotten the large soda to help you stay awake. Soderbergh gives the film about as much action as Drive with about a tenth of the artistic ability.

Installing the track for the drawer of your IKEA desk backwards so that the drawer opens in toward the wall and not out toward you.

Picking up a prostitute that you thought was a woman but turned out to be a tranny.

Picking up a prostitute that you thought was a tranny but turned out to be a regular old boring chick.

Removing a patient's right leg during surgery when it was actually the left leg that needed amputating.

Joining the Church of Scientology.

Giving Dr. Phil a TV show.

These are MISTAKES.

Chocolate or vanilla.

Chicken or fish.

Red or white.

Peanut butter and jelly or Nutella and marshmallow fluff.

Smoking or non-smoking.

Fake goatee or hula hoop.

Falcon Crest reruns or closed-circuit footage of your cousin grooming a cat.

These are OPTIONS.

Don’t know what they are?

Options are choices.