5 THINGS YOU SHOULD(N'T) HAVE BOUGHT YOUR VALENTINE

by Stephen Riek

We scoured the web, well mostly Etsy, for the best (pronounced worst) gift ideas you should have gotten for your Valentine.

Maybe you should have started your Valentine off with

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I'm A Hall of Fame-r

by Sara

I take the train to work. I worked late yesterday, so I decided to go in a bit later today. I arrived at the train station after all the rush hour people, otherwise known as when the crazy people ride the train. I was "lucky" enough to have an encounter with one today.

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TEAM BUILDING GONE WRONG

by Stephen Riek

Yesterday at work the powers that be decided they had come up with a great new team building event. We are going to have a contest to rename our conference rooms after colleges. It is directly billed as a "team building" event that is going to help us remember and more easily locate our conference rooms. Now this might make sense if we were located in a small building, or there were only a few conference rooms, or they were all near each other, but we work in a large building with multiple floors and wings and conference rooms spread throughout.

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TAKING BACK NEW MEXICO

by Stephen Riek

If you name your state "New Mexico," you are just asking for old Mexicans to move in. I don't know why it has taken Mexico so long to just gather a hundred thousand or so citizens and walk across the border. What could the border guard really do? And it would solve so many problems. Arizona and California could forget about their immigration problems. It would free up that star on the flag so Puerto Rico could finally become a state. Maybe Mexico just has a lack of poster board and markers.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WHO!

by Stephen Riek

Happy birthday to The Who! Who said ginger's can't be pirates!? Well, lots of people. But don't tell him that, it's his birthday. Maybe we'll tell him tomorrow!

IT'S NOT WINTER WITHOUT BIG WHEEL SKIING

by Stephen Riek

It's winter! So instead of sitting on the couch under a blanket, hit the slopes on your big wheel!

DAREDEVIL IS A JERK

by Stephen Riek

Daredevil recently revealed that he knew all along that Kim Kardashian's marriage would not last, but did nothing to prevent the doomed nuptials. Sources claim Daredevil's contempt for the Kardashians runs deep.

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TOP 10 ATTRIBUTES EVERY WINGMAN SHOULD HAVE

by Breeze

1. Selflessness – The #1 attribute of a great WingMan is remembering, it’s not about you. Don’t be selfish. Don’t try and steal your boy’s shine. You signed up for this. Don’t walk the walk, if you can’t talk to the unattractive friend.
2. Charm – Charm the Hello Kitty panties right off these women. Don’t worry. This can be done, even if you’re not the most attractive person on the short bus. A good sense of humor works 100% 60% of the time. Make them love you.

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GOD, TEBOW SPLIT AMIDST INFIDELITY RUMORS... BRADY TO BLAME

by Stephen Riek

A week after losing to the Patriots, sources have confirmed Tim Tebow and God are no longer a couple. Apparently Tom Brady had more to offer the big man upstairs, as Gisele Bundchen was seen slipping Candice Swanepoel's number to him in the owner's box before the game. Apparently a wife with Victoria's Secret model friends trumps prayer when it comes to football. Tebow was seen entering church early this morning in an attempt at reconciliation, but God was rumored to be in St. Barths with Swanepoel at the time.

HAYWIRE: SOMEONE FORGET TO TELL THE DIRECTOR HE'S MAKING AN ACTION MOVIE

by Stephen Riek

Naturally you would assume casting Gina Carano, MMA fighter and former American Gladiator, as the lead in your movie, it would be a fairly fast paced action movie with a lot of action. Sadly, after the first fifteen minutes you will be wishing you had gotten the large soda to help you stay awake. Soderbergh gives the film about as much action as Drive with about a tenth of the artistic ability.

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